I Once Was Lost....

... but now I'm found... was blind, but now, I see... SO CLEARLY....

Thank you Jesus for opening my eyes and my heart to Your Truth!

Have you ever taken the time to look back over your life?  Do you see any repetitive patterns?  Were you conscious at the time that you were doing the same thing over again? The faces and the places may have changed... but the outcome was the same?

In recovery circles insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. The irony is that while there are indeed things we do repetitively, I think most often we're not consciously, intentionally or willfully continuing in an unhealthy pattern.  So, is that really insanity?  Truth is, the outcome of our unconscious behaviors may lead to craziness and our lives spinning out of control... but, we're not insane... we're damaged... broken in some way... unhealthy. 

Behaviors are habits, they develop over time. They are the programing in our minds. There are some behaviors that are clearly evident, even to us... but to me, the hard ones are the ones that we aren't aware of. The ones that are instilled by our growing years, life experiences, hurtful people, tragedy, through pain and suffering. We may have reacted to any given situation the only way we could, but it either 1) triggered an unhealthy response from a past experience; 2) put a new (possibly unhealthy) behavior into motion. The good news is that we can change unhealthy repetitive cycles in our lives. We can learn to establish boundaries. We can learn new ways of responding to difficulties. Making changes in our lives may not be the easy thing... but it's so worth the effort.  I don't know about you, but I'm tired of the pain that evidentably follows "doing the same thing over and over"!

For me, putting Jesus first in everything I do is essential... without Him, nothing works right! 

More to follow

Do you want to Change?



Thank you Jesus... Your Love Never Fails, Jesus Culture

Lifting up the Lord in praise!

No matter what... Jesus' love never fails...

August 2008

My name is Lisa, I gave my life to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, in August 2001. My life at that point was like a battlefield littered with the mass destruction from decades of bad choices and decisions I had made. There was no way of escaping the carnage, no way to go back and do it over, and no way to get through another day.  Death seemed like the only way I'd find peace.  I mean after all, I was already living what I thought was hell.  At that point my nights were filled with torment, sleep was impossible.  My days an endless struggle to function in a high stress corporate job, taking care of a family with issues and the endless stream of demands that I couldn't meet.

One morning, in August of 2001, I received a call that my brother-in-law (my sister's husband), who had been struggling with health issues, was in critical condition in the Intensive Care Unit and it was questionable as to whether he was going to make it. He had attempted to take his own life by over-dosing on narcotics and had asperated.  I had meetings scheduled that morning, so I had no choice but to go to work.  I finished up at work and got to the hospital by late morning.  There was a waiting room ouside the ICU. I called the nurse's station and was told that my sister was in with Jesse but they would let her know that I was in the waiting room.  There, sitting in the waiting room was a man that over heard my call.  He came up to me after I hung up the phone, reached out his hand, gently taking my hand in both of his, he introduced himself as my sister's pastor.  His words were soft and gentle as he spoke giving me an overwhelming sense of peace. With thirty years in corporate administration, I had met a lot of people. Something was clearly different with this man. He didn't start spouting scripture. He did however say that Jesse was in Jesus' hands. We didn't get to spend a lot of time talking before my sister came out but it was enough time for me to know that I wanted and needed what this man had. (I later learned that Pastor Bruce had been with my sister since the ambulance came to their house the night before.)

So many times in my life people tried to convince me that Christianity was what I needed.  Lord knows, my sister had been praying for me for years. I went home that day longing to be in that peace, wanting to know how to get what Pastor Bruce had. That's when I opened the Bible, something I had never done before. I didn't know what I was looking at and I didn't know where to start. For reasons unknown to me at that time, I went to the concordance. From there I found hundreds of topics that applied to my life, which led me to scriptures that spoke to my heart. I sat there for five hours that day. That was the beginning of my life being transformed by Jesus... I gave Jesus my heart that day... no one told me to say a sinner's prayer... I just told Him I wanted and needed Him in my life and He did the rest.

The next Sunday, I went to Pastor Bruce's church, Calvary Chapel of Livermore. From the minute I walked into that church, I was welcomed, loved and filled with a sense of peace that I can't even begin to describe. It didn't matter that my life was shattered into a million pieces, how much money I had, how I looked or what I could do... I was loved and accepted just the way I was, with all my flaws... Jesus loved me!

As the Word was spoken through Pastor Bruce, it spoke directly to my heart. This man didn't know me, yet he spoke to me in a very personal way. After the service, I thanked Pastor Bruce for his words and told him how I felt like he was speaking directly to me. He told me that it wasn't him, it was Jesus speaking to me and that He speaks to us through His word and through His body of believers. He told me that he was so happy that I came and how he hoped that I would come back. Come back?! I didn't want to leave!

Looking back in retrospect, I was and am blessed that the Lord brought me home through people filled with Him. The people weren't perfect and glowing with halos, it was Him flowing through and out of them. They were just like me, and now I was part of His family, part of His body.

I can't stand before you today and say that since I have had a close and personal relationship with the Living God that my life has been perfect. I still make mistakes. I still have trials and hardship. Most often, I don't know what to do in situations that I encounter. But I can tell you that I wouldn't be able to get through or exist through anything without my Lord, His Word, His Truth or His body.  Jesus is my strength in difficulty. He is my advisor when I need wisdom. And He is my peace.  Apart from Him, I have and am nothing.  For a lot of years I lived on the "wide-road", walking in the dark and bumping into walls (it's surprising that I don't have permanent brain damage from some of those collisions!).  I know first-hand how lonely, hopeless and difficult life without Christ is.  Jesus said, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavey laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30) If you let Him, He will do it all. He will do things in your life that surpass what you can imagine. Not because of what you want to do, but because He loves you, knows you and has a plan for your life... and EVERYTHING you need is in His Truth (the Word) and in His body.